#AskHarland – Advice from a Grizzled Veteran of Five* Foreign Wars

by Harland R. DouglasChad McNaughton

Harland1

As writer/comedians, we at LTB long for a way to be unique in this ever-expanding, vast sea of shit. But as total amateur idiots, we’re also not above hopping on the advice column bandwagon. Which probably doesn’t even exist. Anyway, we tried to get outside of the box with this thing, so for our experienced advisor, we went with the insane, hilarious, and extremely dangerous Harland Douglas – a homeless war vet who lives behind the warehouse where I work. In return for hot food and expired medicine, Harland has agreed to answer any questions that I pose to him.

These aren’t easy posts to write, so they’re going to be rare, as he’s a belligerently drunken sociopath who misses the taste of human blood the way I miss having a pretty girl’s foot in my mouth. So yes – he’s very difficult to work with. Basically, I scream the question to him and the actual advice gets dictated to me by Harland, yelling back from underneath his abandoned railroad car outside my office window.

So sit back and enjoy the sage advice of a man who once “ate an entire litter of puppies” just to prove it could be done. And if you need advice, just hit us up on Twitter with the hashtag #AskHarland or send an email to littletinybrain@gmail.com, and we’ll put his years of expertise in combat savagery and human suffering to the test. And now, here’s a lovesick reader and her reply from Harland..

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LTB Useless Noon Poll

by Joel Decker

Bad Pilot Night 5 Poster!

by Joel Decker

BPN5_poster_web

Well here it is. The official poster for Bad Pilot Night 5. It will be 8pm Friday March 7th. Tell your friends! Tell your enemies! Make your enemies your friends by inviting them! Turn your friends into enemies by inviting them! We’re ok with both.

Food. Alcohol. Smoke free. Standup from Spencer Hicks and Brett James Robinson and then Little Tiny Brain annihilates Baywatch Nights. It’s going to be fantastic.

We’ll be sure to keep annoying you with more about the show over the next few weeks.

Mowing Shoes

by Spencer Hicks

Little Tiny Brain’s resident tall person, Spencer Hicks wrote and appeared in this Joe Cappa directed short masterpiece. The film also stars honorary Little Tiny Brainer Matthew Alvin Brown, who is way more talented than all of Little Tiny Brain combined.

Happy Friday!

 

 

Little Tiny Brain Useless Noon Poll: Justin Bieber News vs. Anything Else

by Joel Decker

The Time I Used Astral Projection to Sneak into the AFC Championship Game

by Chad McNaughton

AstralPeyton

If you’re reading this then there’s a pretty good chance you’ve at least met me in person. It’s just demographics; I get it. Then you also know that when it comes to our physical bodies, I’m no longer working with a well-kept, precision machine. As a matter of fact, my body has become a monument to our accelerated aging, poor decisions, and a bloodthirsty lust for high-impact, adrenaline-fueled mayhem. So why would I choose to stay in it all the time? Well guess what [dramatic close up] – I don’t! Why, just last week I left my body for an entire afternoon so I could attend a clash between two of the greatest chuckers of dead pig flesh in the history of the NFL, Tom Brady and Peyton Manning. Wanna hear about it?

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