by Ivan Drago as told to Joel Decker
Hello America. Is Ivan Drago, your enemy from match of boxing with Rocky Balboa in 1980’s. First, let me say how sorry I am for killing Apollo Creed. Is not my faults. I was in complete steroid blackout for whole time was in U.S. and A. When I was told what I had done I felt such shame, both at killing famous black boxer and not asking famous black man James Brown for autograph. Is sad for Drago since Drago like James Brown very much. Feel like sex machine!
Drago is no having family after losing to Italian Stallion, Rocky Balboa. My wife she left me for tiny black man with clock on neck and rest of Drago family have horrible accidents where they all fell on many bullets while tied to chairs in their burning houses. Is most common accident in Russia. So many tragedy for Drago. I was in prison at time. I in Russian prison for many years for not winning boxing match against Rocky Balboa. I hear his life is sad now too. People tell Drago hit so hard he make Rocky retarded man now. So I guess winning isn’t everything is cracked in to be! No?
Now is long time after and Drago getting old. Drago miss time when Russia was country America did not like. Is too long since America had good enemy like Russia. America think Russia dumb and not good at war and boxing since we are “free” now. All people talk Russia is how Pussy Riot getting in jail for sing song at church. Drago lose match of boxing and no one say, “Free Drago!”. I on new social networkings My Space and no one say hello to me. Is wrong!
With Sochi Olympics game maybe America remember how much Russia is awful. I can say that as I am old man artist who lives above studio now. I am best Sandwich Artist in Moscow. As artist is job to remind America Russia is still worth of hatings. Sochi Olympics is joke. Government pay Drago 3 Rubles for each stray dog he choke until breathings stop. Joke on government because today I make 30 rubles and have meat for dinner for very long times!
Russia government want rest of world to see Russia is changed. Only thing changed is more Pizza Huts now and no one is scared of Russia like old days. Government still treat people in Russia like shit. People in Russia have little moneys and little food. Is still horrible place to be alive but no one seem to care. Maybe is because when you find out Russia is no longer threat to anyone, you forget people live and work in Russia like anyone else in world.
When Olympics over, world go back home and forget about the sure to happen awful things that will be fault of Russia government. If you own hotel and western reporter send Tweetings about how bad it is, you have same fall-on-bullet-accident Drago family have. Is happened two times today already. Western athlete get injured and snow boardings? Yuri the ice supplier is falling on many bullets. And Yuri’s family.
Drago wish Putin make Russia bad ass again. America used to have worryings about Russia bombing them, now all American worryings are about breaking of doorknobs or dangerous Russian water. If you need a person to tell you to not use Russia waters on face because is dangerous, problem is not with Russia. Problem is with you. Some things is knowledge that is common.
So feel free to hate Russia again, rest of world. We still treat people like shitting. No we are no threatenings anymore, but life was good in old times for everyone. Drago happy. America happy. Everyone is happy. Maybe hate for Russia is key to happy times.
Drago have feeling Sochi going to be perfect thing to get more hatings again.
I Must Break You,