by Jacob Dyck
Little Tiny Brain isn’t just a collective of smart asses. We have hearts and minds. We have souls. We appreciate more than fart jokes, porn and nachos. We’re human.
Our resident fine art enthusiast Jacob Dyck took pen to paper recently in one of many future forays into literature of the highest caliber. We proudly present his first piece “Some Occurrences that Happened to Some Guy”.
Some Occurrences that Happened to Some Guy
(Unscramble to find out what chapter this is!)
No one understood Henry’s love for Becky. Not even Becky, because porpoises aren’t sentient. To be honest, not even I understand Henry’s love for Becky. And since an author can’t very well write about something he doesn’t understand, let’s skip the whole thing.
So now I need to write about some other guy. Let’s see… How about Andrew Fields? That’s a believable name, right? Can’t you just see him now? White guy in his mid-30s, unshaven, around 30-50 lbs overweight. He has some job that isn’t terribly important; there’s a woman in his life and either she or he takes the relationship far more seriously than the other. Okay, so now he’s fully realized. Nice and relatable. Let’s get to his story.
One day Andrew made a sandwich. But this wasn’t just any sandwich… It was the aforementioned sandwich. And this sandwich… I can’t concentrate. My mind keeps drifting back to Henry and his inexplicable love for a porpoise named Becky. It seems like there was a potentially interesting story there. But I didn’t follow through and now we’re stuck with some lame story about Andrew and a sandwich. Damn it… Let’s just wrap it up.
Andrew ate his sandwich, digested it, did a handful of mildly interesting things over the next 50 years, then he died. But his story doesn’t end there. When Andrew got to Heaven he murdered God. So Heaven is closed and we’re all going to Hell by default.