by Spencer Hicks
It’s like my dad always said, “In utero, no one can hear you scream.” Did I mention my dad was an abortion doctor? It’s true, he went to abortion school and got his doctorate. He learned that “screaming” tidbit, day one.
Sorry, I’m a liar. But my wife is pregnant and we are expecting a son. I’m excited about it, and also scared shitless.
A lot happens in the time leading up to the birth of your first child, and I would like to give the non-parents a heads-up of what to expect.
Pregnancy Progression Pics
Thanks to Instagram, your wife will post a weekly picture of herself as the baby grows. Have you ever watched a .gif of someone who takes a weekly picture of themselves as they go through a new exercise routine? It’s the opposite of that. You can watch the love of your life’s body get destroyed by a child you will love unconditionally. All the CrossFit in the world won’t fix that.
by Joel Decker & Jacob Dyck
Since we’re still not convinced Vine isn’t just a huge commercial for whatever it is people who can only be funny for six seconds try to sell you, we figured to join in and see how long it takes for corporations to take notice. The ball is in your court, whatever corporation is giving money to a dude with a wallet full of gummy worms. Yeah. That’s a phrase I just typed. #America
by Joel Decker
Well here it is. The official poster for Bad Pilot Night 5. It will be 8pm Friday March 7th. Tell your friends! Tell your enemies! Make your enemies your friends by inviting them! Turn your friends into enemies by inviting them! We’re ok with both.
Food. Alcohol. Smoke free. Standup from Spencer Hicks and Brett James Robinson and then Little Tiny Brain annihilates Baywatch Nights. It’s going to be fantastic.
We’ll be sure to keep annoying you with more about the show over the next few weeks.
by Jacob Dyck
I fell out of love with sports (and life in general) shortly after high school. Don’t get me wrong, I understand the appeal (the same way I understand why cats chase laser pointers), but watching chemically enhanced dickheads/felons engage in a struggle to see who can move a small piece of leather across a grass rectangle doesn’t fascinate me the way it did when I thought Gilligan’s Island was a good show.
by Chad McNaughton
Good morning, rubes. I hope your Sunday night was peaceful and restorative, giving you the get up and go you’ll need to tackle another week in our brutally-horrific reality. But if you’re like most of the damn country, you got no peace because you watched every single second of the 2014 Grammy Awards® ceremony. Well, good for you. Now you know who Macklemore is (fun fact: he’s actually the lovechild of tank top model Vin Diesel and the late thespian, Paul Walker) and your stupid kids finally understand the genius of Ringo Starr. Yeehaw. That’s not how Little Tiny Brain lives, folks.
So while you were all mesmerized by various Taylor Swift guffaws and formerly-cool black dudes wearing hats they found on someone’s sleeping Canadian grandpa, we were doing work. That’s right – we were smart enough to pull simultaneous burglary heists on five separate “celebrities” while they attended the Grammys. Here’s a break down of the results, listed by celebrity..